The word from the street
TONY
“Check out these trousers. You like ‘em? They’re from when bell-bottoms were ultra-cool.”
PHILIP
“Tony, I must confess, I am utterly awestruck. They’re so new, yet so retro. So casual, yet so fashionable … “
TONY
“Hey, just for your information, I’m not allowing any jokes about my pants until tomorrow.”
PHILIP
“What are you doing with that thing?”
TONY
“This thing? That the lens from one of those big old back-projector TVs. I’m cracking it out from the plastic housing so I can do my reading better. My glasses don’t work much for me anymore, if you know what I mean. Most people don’ know it but these lenses are amazing.”
TONY
“Did I tell you about the cop who asked me if I needed her to find me a place to sleep other night? I was just up the road, actually near the place where I got that ticket a few weeks back. So this cruiser from 11 Division comes down Ronces, and it stops in front of me and the cop opens her window and asks if I need a bed. So I tell her thanks but it’s no problem, and I tell her I appreciate her asking me. And she tells me back something like: ‘Come on Tony, you’re the law’s eyes and ears when we’re not around … of course we’re gonna care about you.’
“Now that’s a decent cop for you.”
PHILIP
“You’re looking a bit pale this morning.”
TONY
“I’m sure I am. So, here’s my question to you for this morning. See if you can guess why a cop evicted me from a park last night?”
PHILIP
“OK I give up.”
TONY
“Some lady didn’t like that I was snoring so loud in the park. Seems her cat tore right through the window screen because of all the noise I was making. So she called the cops. She even wants me to pay for a new window screen for her.
“I never knew that it was against the law to snore too loud but it is.”
PHILIP
“C’mon, you’re just making this up, right?”
TONY
“No word of a lie, Phil. It’s what actually happened.”
Tony was the subject of a professional photo shoot over the weekend, by a widely-admired photographer, Jim Allen. Look for Jim’s photos of Tony in the next issue of Irked Magazine.
Philip
